I want to start by wishing everyone here ... my family, Matt's family, our friends, friends of the Rousseaus, Ashley's friends and yes, even Matt's friends a very warm good evening and welcome! I also want to thank all the great Four Oaks people ... starting with my pastors Paul Gilbert and Erik Braun, their wives Susan who just so happens to be Ashley's first non-family "mentor" [she taught her sixth grade math at Community Christian School ... Ashley was always so very impressed with Susan that she frequently came home saying that she wanted to be just like Susan when she "grew up." Ashley, just so you know, you did end up a lot like Susan in your love for people, your graciousness, and your heart for God! I also want to welcome and thank Tori Braun for sharing her husband Erik with our church body and me in particular as well as with my family. The time Erik spends in the Word each week laboring for our body has not been wasted ... God's Word has yielded, and my prayer is that it will continue to yield, a rich harvest in the lives of the Four Oaks body, my family members as well as in my own. I want also to thank Josh & Jessica Hughes for their help and service, for Josh who plays and sings like an angel, as well as Jessica's wonderful wedding advice. And lastly thanks to Matt Robinson, Kirk Tanis and Bruce Greer for their behind the scenes work that will hopefully make this wedding ceremony proceed successfully from a facility and technology frame of reference. Sadly, they are seldom noticed until something goes wrong. But they have done yeoman's work in creating such a functional and beautiful space from something that once was so very ugly.
It is certainly a bittersweet day standing here on the Eve of my first daughter's wedding. Ashley in so many ways was and is an answer to many prayers prayed by many of our friends, her mother and me. Janna had gotten pregnant the year before Ashley was born only to have us lose the baby to a miscarriage at 8 weeks or so. I was a third year medical student at that time and had cared for several women who had gone through the same thing we were then facing ... it seems so much more clinical when its someone else grieving. But it was now our turn to grieve ... and grieve we did ... a surprising amount as I remember it, considering just how common miscarriages are. Then the following spring we happily learned that Janna was pregnant again. We'd tried hard not to get our hopes up too much, after the bitter disappointment only six months before, but there was no way not to get excited. Then at about six weeks gestation or so, Janna started bleeding again. Ashley, I can't begin to tell you how many people prayed for you at that time, and the prayers of the righteous availed much on your behalf. Within just a few days we had our first ultrasound which showed what looked like two gestational sacs but no clear baby in either. The hormone levels were inconclusive and we waited anxiously and prayerfully [though helpless personally ... I so wanted to be able to fight for my baby ... but ultimately I had to trust you to Jesus ... something that has become a bit of a life lesson for me]. A week or so later, Janna had a followup ultrasound that showed a single gestational sac and a fetal pole ... there you were ... so very tiny but we could, at least, see you! We often wonder if you don't have a twin sister or brother up in heaven that we'll get to meet some day. But at least we had hope again that you would make it. Janna's bleeding had slowed significantly and finally stopped. Her pregnancy then became like so many other first pregnancies ... there were all the mysterious firsts, quickening [was it gas? or was it you?], hiccups [your mom was convinced you had them and I as the know-it-all senior medical student said "unborn babies don't get hiccups" ... so we bet and she made me ask one of my attending OB professors who confirmed that, "of course, they do!" Lost another one to your mom ... but these are things that aren't in any text book]; childbirth classes, and then finally we were ready for the big day.
Labor started in the middle of the night [like all first labors seem to] and Janna woke me up from a sound sleep at 3:00 AM saying "It's time...the baby is coming." I drove her over the 3/4 mile to the City of Faith Hospital only to find out that she was just fingertip dilated; and so they sent us to walk on the indoor track for an hour. You know your mom has always been a good walker! And thus we trucked along between contractions when she would double up with pain every five minutes or so. Then we checked back in, only to learn that her cervix hadn't changed much. So they gave her a shot of Stadol and sent her home at about 5:00 AM saying, "you might have this baby later today, but, then again, you might not." The Stadol put your mom to sleep, but it failed to stop the contractions; so she woke up every 4-5 minutes in pain and then went back to sleep. It was quite a weird thing to behold. At about 10:30 that morning she woke me back up saying "It's time to have the baby." I checked her myself this time and she was 8-9 cm dilated; and that's when I panicked, flying around the apartment and getting everything into the car. We drove back over this time knowing they wouldn't kick her out again ... and then they panicked, calling your doctor who was at church where all good Christian doctors should be at 11:00 AM on a Sunday morning. She arrived just in time to watch me catch you as your mom delivered you. What a rush of great and awesome emotions holding you, staring at you, hugging you for the very first time! You were so very petite and also so very amazing in every detail. There was never a more proud set of parents than we were for you! And you were just so very perfect. It went straight to our heads.
We had read a book in our church Sunday School the semester before, How to Really Love Your Child, which simplified parenting down to making sure your child's emotional tank was always full. If that was the case, then your child would feel totally loved, safe, accepted and protected and there would be no need for screaming, disobedience, defiance, etc. Well, did we ever have that down! And did you ever reciprocate! There we were, God's gift to parenting. And sadly, we looked down on so many other poor parents whose babies screamed in restaurants, in church, in movie theaters, wherever, knowing that their emotional tank must be sadly lacking. But not our baby's! Then Alli happened! But that's another story for a different rehearsal dinner! Suffice it to say that we never looked down at other parents again, and we threw that book away!
You have been such a wonderful daughter Ashley, over all these many years. You saw me crying last Saturday as I was even trying to recall the hand full of times in these past 23 years that you've disappointed me. There were so very few of them. Losing your UNF scholarship by not taking enough hours your third semester [not reading the fine print], overdrafting your checking account on multiple occasions [saying things like "but Daddy, I checked on-line and the bank said I still had money" which I guess is the modern day equivalent to "well, I still had checks left" that blondes said in my day, "but Daddy, I don't think in numbers" or "but Daddy it was Father's Day and I couldn't bear for you not to get a card...that was one special card + $35 overdraft fee that I basically got to buy for myself ... but even then your heart was always in the right place], locking your keys in your car repeatedly...all parents should be so lucky! We just thought we had problems. I remember Paul Gilbert calling me aside after church about four years ago saying, "Steve, I just wanted to tell you just how exceptional your daughter Ashley is." I said, "I know Paul, she is the best." But he wouldn't stop. He thought I didn't get it. He kept after me, saying things like "I've seen virtually every kid who has come up through our youth ministry program here and I just want you to know just how exceptional your daughter, Ashley, is." I again said, "I know Paul, she is amazing! But I've known that for almost 19 years now!" He probably still thinks that I don't get it.
But you've got to remember that I've always been your biggest fan. I can still remember filming all your swim meets while screaming out encouragement to you like a crazy loon and loving it when you would leave all those other swimmers an entire pool's length or more behind you. You were so petite, but boy were you fast! And your technique was incredible! So much so that the middle school boys on your swim team here in Tallahassee made your life so miserable that you felt like you had to quit, just because you could out-swim them as a third grade girl! That was another of my disappointments ... me vicariously living through you as your coaches in Hawaii thought you had Olympic potential as a swimmer [nevermind that your gymnastics coach there also said the same thing about you in that sport]. Both of them wanted you to spend 3-4 hours/day with them training. It's too bad that your mother and I wanted you to go to school too.
I guess life is a series of choices ... and yours has been one of many excellent choices. I remember the day that Pastor Mark Olmos and I baptized you in the Pacific Ocean! I was so proud of you then ... a lei on your neck and a heart surrendered to Christ. Many more leis for achievement would follow, for musicals you'd perform in, for graduations from high school and college. You made me so proud graduating at the top of your nursing school class [I think you were third in your class] and I absolutely love sharing the field of medicine with you! We always have so much to talk about and I think we always will.
So it's all come down to this ... what man would ever be worthy enough to marry my firstborn daughter??? But then I think, which of us is worthy enough to be the bride of Christ? So ultimately, it comes down to calling I think. I remember countless times over the past 23 years praying for your future husband from the first very days of your life all the way till this very day ... that God would select a man who had a heart truly after His, who would love you like Christ loved the church and would provide a safe and wonderful spiritual cover under which to nurture you in your walk with Christ and to raise kids who walk in His ways. I confess it's a bit easier to pray this once I knew who the man would be, but that didn't stop either Janna or me from praying prayers like way back when I could still hold you in the palm of my hand. We prayed for yours and his physical purity as you came together on your wedding day ... that that gift to each other would not be defiled. What a joy to know that it hasn't. I'll tell you in 23 years of medical practice, I have seen only four other couples make it to their wedding days sexually pure! So God has been more than faithful to you both and to us! I remember Ashley first "going out with you" Matt, in the eighth grade. I'd tease her by asking, "Where are you guys going?" She'd reply, "Nowhere Dad, but you know what I mean!" Sadly, I knew all too well. Another man [well, more of a boy really] was coming between us. By your senior year of high school your heart was totally stolen. Not that it wouldn't be and hadn't been broken a few times when you guys would split up, but I think your relationship matured to deeper levels with each break. The truth is, there really wasn't anywhere left to go but down to the altar and neither of you were really ready for that. So you've both learned deep lessons in patience and in waiting on God. Those are hard but necessary lessons to learn in life. And I think you are both mature beyond your years. Matt, I've enjoyed watching you, from afar initially, but up close these past five years. I love how you have a heart for those who not the first chosen. You have a way of making the "less special" seem special. You certainly may be an extrovert's extrovert, but one with a tender heart for the Lord. And despite the very challenging hand you've been dealt over the last four years or so, I see an incredible amount of spiritual growth. God's grace is all over your life. It is my prayer that God calls you into full-time Christian ministry ... I see all the giftings in you that are needed to make a remarkable difference for the Kingdom. And you won't find a woman better suited to be a pastor's wife than Ashley. So, tomorrow I will walk her down the aisle and give what God has given me to protect and to nurture over to you to do the same. And in that may He receive great glory! For those of you who follow my blog linked to Facebook you know "The Mystery Is, Indeed, Great!
I'll close my toast [I'm sure Janna is screaming out inside...the toast is already burned to a crisp by now] by reading the lyrics to a very old contemporary Christian song [how's that for an oxymoron?] ... one that was riding the airwaves and on my iPod when Janna & I were your ages, but one that has always had deep meaning for me. What's that you say? They didn't have iPods when we were you age? Well, I guess that is probably true. Heck, they didn't even have Walkmans when we were your age nor CDs. I think Franklin had just discovered electricity or something like that. Anyway, this song was written and performed by Scott Wesley Brown and it sums up what I wish for you more than anything else I can think of. There is certainly no shortage of things that we can wish for in this world ... but there is only one thing that we were made to wish for, and it's that simple thing that I wish for you both. If somehow you can manage to keep this both first and central your whole lives through, then I have great confidence that Christ will use you both mightily all the days of your lives. And I'm just as confident that you will always know what true joy is.
I Wish You Jesus
I could wish you joy and peace
To last a whole life long.
I could wish you sunshine
Or a cheerful little song.
Or wish you all the happiness
That this life could bring.
But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus,
More than anything!
I could wish you leaves of gold
And may your path be smooth.
I could wish you treasures
Or that all your dreams come true.
And I could wish you paradise
That every day be Spring.
But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus
More than anything!
Cause when I’ve wished you Jesus…
I’ve wished you EVERYTHING!
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