True Influence Goes Deep

Influence can do what command can never do; it can win the hearts of people. You can pay people to do a job, but you can't pay them to change their minds and especially not their hearts. External power has the limitation of bringing external change. Influence is the material of internal power. Again, influence is not about position or delegated authority or any of many forms of power. Influence is born out of a person, who that person is, and translates to how it affects the heart of another person. True influence goes deep. It changes how a person feels about something. It has direct impact not only on how a person acts, but also on what he believes and what he is committed to.

We understand the difference between authority and influence as we watch our children grow up. What our children may act like when they're under out authority is very different from who they become as the result of our influence. Many parents become brokenhearted when they realize that their influence on their children is at best minimal, at worst inconsequential, as compared to the influence of their friends. Yet I am convinced that great parenting is all about influence. It is more about shaping values than it is about setting boundaries.

Jonathan's armor-bearer [again refer to my August 15th entry] expressed a level of loyalty that is rarely found in our time. He said, "I am with you heart and soul." It was not about obligation. He was not acting out of mere compliance. It wasn't even that he understood everything Jonathan was going to do or that he even agreed with Jonathan's approach or strategy. It wasn't Jonathan's idea he was agreeing with. He believed in Jonathan! He trusted who Jonathan was. And thus he said, "Do all that you have in mind," and then he declared his allegiance to him as recorded above.

As a parent, I have discovered that the love and respect that my children have for me runs far deeper than any fear of punishment they may have. I have also found that there is no more rewarding experience than when my kids are motivated by their own value systems to do what is right. It is without question that these value systems are transferred from person to person through a connection of the heart. Even though my kids have grown up in the church, their love for truth is not the result of some exhaustive empirical research project. Their desire to do good is not the result of a sterile, isolated, logical deduction. Their values have been passed on through genuine friendship and trust from Janna and me [along with many Godly mentors from our families, their Christian school, our church and even on their secular university campuses]. And one thing I am eternally grateful for is that we pass on not just who we are, but even more, who we desire to become. Our children see our flaws, our faults, and even our sins. The compensating grace is that they are also able, when we in humility repent and confess our shortcomings, to see what we aspire to be. Our influence is not limited to our present condition. It is expanded by our intended destination when we are committed to the journey. Influence is rooted in character--who we are and who are becoming. Influence transfers best and moves most quickly whenever respect and trust are present. When the environment is right, influence goes deep. It goes to the very core of who we are. And the old adage certainly rings true in my mind, "You can know a person by the friendships he keeps."