Never Been Unloved

I have been unfaithful;
I have been unworthy;
I have been unrighteous;
And I have been unmerciful.

I have been unreachable;
I have been unteachable;
I have been unwilling;
And I have been undesirable.

And sometimes
I have been unwise,
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of.

But because of You,
And all that You went through,
I know that I have never been unloved.

I have been unbroken;
I have been unmended;
I have been uneasy;
And I've been unapproachable.

I've been unemotional;
I've been unexceptional;
I've been undecided;
And I have been unqualified.

Unaware --
I have been unfair,
I've been unfit for blessings from above.

But even I can see,
The sacrifice You made for me,
To show that I have never been unloved.

It's because of you,
And all that You went through,
I know that I have never been unloved.

As my thoughts regarding songs that haunt my soul are drawing to a close I want to finish with another one by one of my all time favorite singer/songwriters Michael W. Smith. So many people I run into are living seemingly loveless lives that it tears at my soul. One of my long time patients cried on my shoulder for over a half an hour today over her loveless, abusive marriage and the psychological torment she lives in day in and day out. She is literally counting down the four years till her youngest child, now fourteen years old, will graduate and she can move out and start a new life. She has untreated bipolar disorder and her husband taunts her regarding her "craziness" as a means to dehumanize her. Ultimately today she decided to come in just to "get drugged up" so that she "can make it through the next four years."

This past weekend I counseled another lady who also lives in a loveless, abusive marriage. Her husband left her a month ago and has threatened her with divorce. She too, like the woman above, would probably take exception to the lyrics of the song I quoted above as both of them are looking to be loved and cherished in this life and are seemingly striking out on all sides. Both of these women are professing believers in Christ and yet find it difficult to find their soul's satisfaction in Him. And so they keep looking for the things of this world to fill the ache in their souls. This phenomenon is sadly repeated millions of times daily across the globe. I can't help but wonder why? And would I feel or do anything any differently if I were in their situations?

As traumatic as earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis and other natural disasters may be, they are not the cause of the violence that tears our souls most deeply. What tears at us the most, what leaves us shattered and broken, is what we as people do to each other. A tidal wave has no moral compass, no capacity to feel deeply. Nature is not supposed to care about anything, but we are. Why is it that the most dangerous place to be in this world is in the hands of another human being unmoved by love?

God's motivation towards these women, as well as you, my family and me, is love. It turns out that God, too, has endured a dark night of the soul. He suffered for love so that we can find love in our suffering. While these women and so many others feel unwanted tonight [and for many nights previous to tonight], God would passionately disagree with that assumption. He would insist on rewriting the story: "Wanted before you were even conceived; loved from your very first breath." Sometimes the hardest problem we face is recognizing love when we see it.

Judas, the most infamous of Jesus' disciples, suffered from this problem as he looked straight into the face of love and remained blind to it. When he chose to turn against Jesus, he betrayed Him with nothing less than a kiss. This is the great irony of the human story. When God does come to embrace us, to meet us face-to-face, to bring us into relationship with Him, we far too often find ourselves betraying love.

Yet His love is undeterred.
He still pursues us with His relentless compassion.
God is the passionate lover of humanity.
He created us for love.
We cannot live without love, and we do not have to.
Yes, there is an insanity to love. We will go mad in pursuing it.
We will despise life itself if we do not find it.
Our souls crave love and will find satisfaction in nothing less.
We should not be surprised that as we look for love, we keep running into God.
We should listen to our souls. We have not given ourselves to a futile search.
We are not alone in our pursuit.
Love searches for us.

Is it possible that this is why the story won't just go away? It is now two thousand years later and somehow it is still strangely compelling.

On a cross, Jesus of Nazareth hung naked, beaten, mocked and pierced for love.
Talk about rejection.
It would be all too easy to conclude that God had made a fool of Himself.
What was He thinking to die for love?

He gambled everything on the power of love. That love was more powerful than hate. That love was more powerful than death. What was He thinking to die for us, to give Himself for you and me, knowing that we just might kiss Him on the face and then turn and walk away?

Love is just crazy like that.