Tilling the Soul

What an “interesting” two weeks that I have just experienced … perhaps “endured” would be a more representative word.  While the specific circumstances are probably best left confidential,  the effect seems most like a sudden and unexpected death in the family.  That sudden sense of overwhelming loss; the gaping void in the middle of one’s soul; the grasping at shattered pieces of something we greatly cherish scattered across the floor and desperately trying, though knowingly in vain, to somehow reassemble all those myriad pieces back into an integrated whole.  The tears flow and we instinctively cry out to God, why did it have to end this way?  What could we have done differently?  Why didn’t we see this coming?  Why didn’t He see this coming?  Or if He did, then why didn’t He stop it?  What clues did we miss along the way?  Or could it have been avoided at all?  And in the midst of the pain God’s Spirit gently reminds us that He is in control; He is sovereign; He is not surprised, though we may be.  But our flesh dies hard and is not quick to be stilled or trust.  No, we want our will to be done … we want our kingdom to come … or at least not to go away.

But it is also during these seasons of intense loss that God most clearly seems to speak to me.  Or perhaps it is during these seasons that I just more intently listen.  Or maybe it is some of both.  Suffice it to say though, that over the past two weeks either my spiritual antennae have gone up or perhaps the Holy Spirit's Emergency Broadcast Network has been interrupting my regularly scheduled soul programming with His Word which has been, as is often the case, both a great comfort and a great challenge to me spiritually.

The spiritual realities of “besetting” sins have been thrust into the forefront of my life experience of late.  Not by choice mind you … these things seldom seem to come to the surface “by choice” … well at least not OUR choice.  The Holy Spirit often chooses to highlight things in our lives, or the lives of those we love, that we would just as soon remain hidden in the dark corners of our lives.  Moreover, while we may view our sin as somewhat trivial and "not that bad really when you compare it to what other people do," the Holy Spirit of a just and perfect God sees it quite differently.  It was not by accident that Paul listed the qualifications for those God may call to serve as leaders in His church.  It is a high standard but how could those entrusting their souls to the care of another expect or deserve less?

So we who serve in leadership of Christ's church must be active and vigilant about the gardens of our souls.  I just spent the better part of today [Saturday] in almost 100 degree heat grooming my yard and flower beds and I can think of no better analogy than what I do to my yard for what I do to my soul.  It is so much easier to use the Weedeater to mow down the weeds in my massive flower bed islands than it is to get down on my hands and knees and uproot the weeds one by one.  Yet unless I do that, the weeds return in short order and often multiply.  Our spiritual lives are very much like that.  It is all to easy to forsake my daily spiritual disciplines only to find my spiritual tank empty at the most inopportune times and have nothing really to pour out when God sends a needy soul across my path.  But when the soul is well attended, the virtues of a Godly character somehow almost "magically" appear.

We in church leadership all too often are looking for the latest trends for church growth such as the seeker-sensitive Sunday morning approach; use of multi-media and drama to underscore the message; casual attire with coffee tables & bar stools in lieu of chairs; chairs in lieu of pews; the emerging church phenomenon, multi-site campus for church planting, etc.  Those who speak on leadership most often speak to vision as being key as well as having strong programming for children, youth, singles and the like.  Very seldom does one ever hear someone speak to soul cultivation in its leaders as coming before institution building.  But is there any other way really to grow a large, healthy and authentic church without the souls of its leaders being filled and groomed if the effort is to be sustained over the long haul?

Recall also that dreadful statistic regarding pastors ... within ten years of ministry half of all Christian pastors in the United States have hung up the "collar."  Burnout, failure, and disillusionment exact a terrible toll.  Too often our leaders become spiritually dry, unmotivated and live lives of quiet despair for many have no one speaking into their lives and no one that they can confide it.  And sadly, many of these pastors eventually just seem to disappear, almost as if they've dropped off a cliff.  And who goes looking for them?  Or are they just summarily replaced?

So in light of our most recent developments, prayer, consultation, tears, contemplation, reflection, more tears, more prayer that define the past two weeks, I keep coming back to St. Paul's admonition to Pastor Timothy [pastor of the Church at Ephesus] to "Train himself to be godly ... for godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" [1 Timothy 4:7-8].  There is certainly spiritual formation at the heart of that charge.  I have come to believe that the forming of the soul, that it might be a dwelling place for God, is the primary work of the Christian leader [pastors, elders, deacons and teachers].  This should not be an add-on, an option to be selected, or a third-level priority.  Without this as the preeminent activity, one is almost guaranteed not to last in leadership for a lifetime; and even if one does make to the end, one's work will certainly be much less reflective of God's honor and purposes than it would have been if the leader's soul had been more vigorously cultivated.

So what is it really that we should be seeking to cultivate in our souls?  What are the most important virtues that we would like to see come forth?  I think the answers here depend on the persons asking themselves the question and won't look exactly the same for everyone.  But for me, I would start with humility.  I don't consider humility to be something one seeks nor is it something one ever arrives at.  I think humility comes as a result of our other pursuits.

Those who knew me back in my medical school or residency years likely would have never associated me with humility.  And there are probably a good many people today who may still have that same opinion.  Probably many consider me to be full of self, perhaps overconfident, endlessly in motion [though God has a way of slowing us down as we age ... both literally and figuratively].  Talented, maybe a bit gifted, but not so humble.

If even a sliver of the virtue of humility grows out of the ground of my soul today, it is only because I am now old enough to be well acquainted with the overpowering effects of sin, the realities of my personal limits and deficiencies, and the corrosive effects of perpetual accomplishment.  The truth of the matter is that the way of the Christian leader is not so much upward as it is downward ... this was true of our Savior who divested Himself of all the glories of heaven only to die on a Roman cross [see Philippians 2].  If it was true of Him, how much more so should it be true of us?  Perhaps we should look less to producing large institutions [i.e. churches, businesses, medical practices, etc.] and look more to producing great saints.

The second virtue that I would like to see my soul produce is compassion.  Compassion has many definitions but I like to think of it as the ability to identify at a heart level with the vulnerabilities, fears and sorrows of others and to do so in such a way as not to be paralyzed by it but instead energized with great love.  I would like to be seen as a wounded healer who exchanges his bandages with another who has none to offer back.  This I think goes to the heart of my calling as a physician at 5:30 AM as I was driving in to work that fateful day in late July 1980; the day God rocked my world and changed my course in life.  I often wonder how very different my life would have looked had that not happened ... but nothing would be the same.  I would never have met Janna, would not have my four wonderful kids, and I would likely be practicing architectural engineering somewhere in Colorado.  Wow!  I would say this virtue comes more "naturally" to me, but not really.  At least not naturally.  Far from it ... more like a divine spiritual gifting in a dramatic spiritual calling.

Thirdly, I would like to see the virtue of steadfastness be produced in my soul.  Steadfastness should be contrasted with stubbornness, which comes very easily to me.  Steadfastness is more a ceaseless embrace of certain purposes and commitments from which once will never retreat.  Steadfastness means reliability of character, fulfillment of promises, faithfulness to key relationships, and most importantly of all, living in obedience to our Savior, Jesus.  Such steadfastness has not been a part of my nature though stubbornness is.  If it is part of me today, it is only because I have had to acquire it and perhaps there has been a bit of a bending in my propensity to stubbornness, which is destructive, to a glimmer of steadfastness, which is redemptive.  But stubbornness dies hard ... and steadfastness grows slowly.  I still have a long way to go here.  Again it was Paul who wrote, "Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm [be ye steadfast in the KJV)].  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord ..." [1 Corinthians 15:58].  He was obviously driving at something important.  Perhaps he was speaking to people who were habitually undependable, short-lived in their commitments, caving in to peer pressure -- people like me and maybe like you.

If words were taken from me, I would hope that people would see faith in me.  Faith again has many definitions and perhaps Hebrews 11:1 defined it best, but today I'll use this definition:  an ability to trust in and draw upon the power of God beyond my rationality, my instinctive pessimism and cynicism, and my willingness to often settle for less than best.

I love to read about, hear about and observe faith-driven people and this has been and is still a part of my spiritual formation activities/strategies.  Faithful people inspire me as they inspire others ... people like Paul, Stephen, John, Barnabas, Polycarp, St. John Chrysostom, Martin Luther, John Calvin, John Wesley, William Wilberforce, Charles Spurgeon, Hudson Taylor, Dietrich Bonhoeffer ... the list goes on.  But Jesus would include people like the poor widow who offered God her last two mites, of whom Jesus said "offered all she had" [Luke 21:2-4].  That's faith in a nutshell:  a calm, quiet, unostentatious offering of all her assets, believing God would provide for her needs.

Spiritual formation means building a heart that is comfortable asking for and believing God to do the seemingly impossible.  Praying for healing of the sick, the transformation of the wicked, the lifting of the hand of the oppressor.  There is an intimate connection between faith and vision.  We see that a lot when it comes to capital campaigns for building construction and establishing institutions and ministries.  I would like to see my faith and vision grow not so much in these areas but more in the possibilities that God has for people.

Lastly, I would like to see the spiritual fruit of self-control become more evident and abundant in my life.  This, of course, has to do with discipline and one's willingness to cultivate the ability to say no to wrong things as well as yes to the right things in life.  Not a popular subject these days.

Self-control comes into play when we are slandered, opposed, unappreciated, ignored or required to go the second mile.  How will I respond?  Self-control also speaks to our use of money, our handling of power and influence, and our response to inflated adulation [should it come].  Just how do we bring healthy limits into our lives?

The Old Testament offers several portraits of people who lacked self-control:  Cain, Samson, Saul and Solomon come to mind ... along with a long line of evil kings.  But there were champions as well:  Joseph, Daniel, and Esther among others.

But when I imagine self control at its fullest, I picture Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane surrounded by failing friends, cruel soldiers who had come to arrest him and the traitorous Judas Iscariot.  And then being kept up all night only to be mocked and tortured by the Sanhedrin, King Herod and Pontius Pilate before being unjustly crucified.  If ever there was a time to lose one's cool that was it.  But Christ didn't.  He kept His dignity and became the calm center of a wildly chaotic storm.  He was the very embodiment of self control.

As I looked on the landscape that is my front yard today, after I had picked up the last of the debris from T. S. Debby, pulled weeds, planted a few more pentas [replacing those uprooted by the Varmint Cong], edged, mowed and blown the concrete clean I could see the beginnings of something beautiful.  There are still patches of dirt that need to be re-sodded [too much shade from our five massive oak trees (all more than 150 years old)] in my front yard, two flowerbeds that really need to be roto-tilled to dig up the roots of their weeds and there are a couple of areas that could still have a few more flowers planted, but there is also some true beauty there ... it just needs to be freed to come to the surface ... just like those five virtues I'd like to see more of in my life.