When Will I Be Loved?

Anyone remember this great Linda Ronstadt classic song from the '70s? Seemingly, it is a refrain that is played time and again in our lives and the lives of those around us. We speak of true love not only lasting a lifetime, but lasting forever. Yet somehow, forever seems to have a clear beginning and end in our frame of reference. But in the end we cannot seem to meet the standards of love, and so too many of us just accept that love is not all that it is made out to be. It is like from the beginning we prepare ourselves to be disappointed. Isn't that just the history of love anyway? We find it impossible to live up to its standards. I think most of us have this concept when it comes to God. If God loves conditionally, we are all in big trouble. And when you distill it down, this is the bottom line basis of all the world's "religions."

Yes God loves, but only conditionally. Meet the conditions and gain the love. Love then becomes something that is attained. Oh, we are quick to spiritualize this with its own lofty lexicon -- forgiveness, mercy, acceptance, grace -- which are all really just different words for love. In this it would appear that all religions are the same. They give God a name and then establish the rules we must follow if we are to gain his affection and favor. I think this is why most people see all religions as just different ways of getting to the same place [that along with our post-modern sense of relativism and the lack of any absolutes]. So some people pray five times a day facing east; others pray rosaries; still others bring offerings, light candles, and memorize incantations; all for the same purpose, that of gaining the acceptance of their Creator.

But really, is it not absurd to think that any "religion" can somehow get us closer to God? It is like being in love with a person who has no interest in us. He may love our advances because they make him feel self-important, but really he has no motivation to pursue us. It's all one-sided. And while he loves being pursued and thus our desire only inspires him to be even more elusive. When this relates to God, we call this one-sided love, in its contextualized experience over time, worship. And if you were to think about it long enough, it would make you sick. And I see this as a common complaint against God from the secular world. "What kind of egomanical megalomanic is God anyway?!? Thanks, but no thanks. Not interested." And really, if one of our friends were in this kind of earthly relationship, we would do everything in our power to convince him or her to get out. But what really is the difference if a religion is created on the subtle premise that God withholds his love and we must submit to the system to earn that love? These traps only work because of two things: we long for love, and we are convinced that all love is conditional.

Ironically, this is where so many of us end up having a problem with Jesus. For centuries the church has been telling us that if we want God to love us, we need to follow the rules. This seems to be the only way the institution can maintain control over our lives. After all, if love is unconditional, what keeps us following their rules? If their goal is to get people to conform, well that can be accomplished without love. But you cannot maintain a civilization without the rule of law. And what governments have not always been able to do, religions have accomplished with remarkable efficacy. They keep people in line.

What in the world would happen if people actually began discovering the actual message of Jesus Christ -- that His love is unconditional? What would happen if we began to realize that God was not, in fact, waiting for us to earn His love, but that He was passionately pursuing us with His love? What would happen if the word got out that Jesus was offering His love freely and without condition?

Would anyone actually choose to be a slave to ritual and legalism when he could have relationship and love? The answer, unfortunately, is yes. The reason religion works is that we believe in conditional love and doubt the existence of unconditional love.

Sadly, the church is all too full of religious leaders who speak on behalf of God and yet have held God hostage. They tell us basically that it is our responsibility to raise the ransom to release His love. There are way too many people being duped into believing that if they give enough money, they will then unlock and receive all that God has been withholding from them. Thankfully, some of us have come to our senses and realize that we've been taken. For whatever kind of love it is that we can purchase, it certainly isn't the love our soul has been longing for. If we have to buy love, it is never worth the price. I believe it was John, Paul, George and Ringo who put it like this -- "Can't buy me love."

So where does that leave us? We end up face-to-face with a dilemma -- we can't earn love, we can't buy love and yet we can't seem to live without it. We know deep in the pits of our stomachs that if love is conditional, it can't really be love at all. But we also know that if love is truly unconditional then we are neither the sources nor the instigators of such a love, which then again becomes part of our conflict. We want what we do not give. We long for what we cannot produce.

Just where does this concept of unconditional love come from anyway? How can we hold such a lofty ideal when we live so far from it? Isn't this kind of like believing in aliens from outer space? We know they could exist; it is just that we have never seen one. Pretty much like love -- real love anyway, not the imitations we see all around us, the Hollywood movie scripts, lust, what passes for romance these days, etc.

And what about our "love" for such trivial things as coffee, chocolate, cars, sports teams, ice cream, the beach, boats, homes, etc.? Perhaps that fact that we love such meaningless things tells us even more about our capacity to love. Maybe if we really knew love, true deep, profound, unending love, we wouldn't love chocolate after all.

When it comes to love, we exist in a unique category. There are a lot of things that are dispensable to God. He can re-create pretty much whatever He wants. We, however, are not on that list. Each of us are unique and irreplaceable. And as such, we are the objects of God's love.

In Solomon's sensual Song of Songs, he describes a lover pursuing the one who has won her heart. He captures the hopelessness that one feels on such a desperate search for love.

"At night on my bed,
I looked for the one I love;
I looked for him, but I could not find him.
I got up and went around the city,
in the streets and squares,
looking for the one I love.
I looked for him, but I could not find him.
The watchmen found me as they patrolled the city,
so I asked, 'Have you seen the one I love?'"

Solomon is describing the desperation that comes when we seem unable to capture the heart of the one we love. Has it ever occurred to any of us that God feels like this? But if God's love is immeasurable and unending, as the writer of Hebrews describes it, how deep and profound must be His sense of sorrow and rejection. If anyone knows the pain of a love unrequited, it must be God.

In summary, "religion" exists not because God loves too little, but because we need love so much. In the end, all "religions" misrepresent God. They either dictate requirements for love or simply become a requiem for love. I think many have given up on God on this basis alone. We've been told that God is a reluctant lover and that His standards must be met before there can be any talk of love. This, of course, is lunacy. Love exists because God is love. Our souls will never find satisfaction until our hearts have found this love that we so desperately yearn for. And lastly, God is not passive, for love is never passive, but always passionate; and passion always leads to action!