The biblical story from start to finish is dyed with the theme of sovereignty, and of course, God Himself is the central character. He is good, powerful, wise, loving, sovereign; the designer, creator and controller of all that is. He created a world of awesome and multifaceted beauty and placed man and woman in the middle of it. They enjoyed intimate fellowship with God and had their every need supplied. Yet sadly, they fell for an offer to be free of their submission to God, believing instead the serpent's promise that they could be like their Creator. What a horrific moment! They left the most wonderful place in all the universe, where they could rest in God's sure rule, in order to vie for the most dangerous thing a human being could ever do: to trust his life in his own hands.
This moment was the beginning of the struggle that is chronicled in every period of biblical history. It gets down to one of two lifestyles, and everyone who has ever lived falls into one or the other. We are either resting in the glory of the sovereign rule of the Lord, or we are trying in some way to establish our own rule. This battle can show itself in an obvious and arrogant lifestyle of power and control, or it can live as a subterranean independence that colors every action, reaction, hope or dream. Adam and Eve were called simply to trust and obey, but they wanted their own way. The Children of Israel were called to trust and fight, but they too went their own way. First century Palestine was called to see, listen and believe, but they executed their Messiah. The struggle to trust in the Lord, rest in His rule and faithfully do His will is what sin is all about. Because every act of disobedience, whether subtle and secret or public and arrogant, is a direct challenge to the sovereign rule of God. Every time we step outside of the boundaries of trust and obey, we call into question God's power, wisdom and rule.
To be a sinner is essentially to want to rule our own worlds. This is at the core of Paul's claim in 2 Corinthians 5:15 that Jesus "died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." Now if sovereignty is at the center of our struggle with sin, and if it is true that the most powerful and pervasive of all idols is the idol of self, then it should not shock us that this battle rages at mid-life [though it is a life-long struggle]. Mid-life is a time when we assess outcomes and survey what futures are left for us, so there is a strong temptation to question God's exercise of His rule. And as we do this, it is very tempting for us to conclude that the plan that we had for our lives was qualitatively better that God's plan for us.
It can be so very difficult to consider the disappointing impact of sin on our families [such as my family as I was growing up, my son-in-law's family now and also my future son-in-law's family now not to mention all the carnage I see in the lives of my fellow church members and my patients], the decay of long-hold dreams, or even just the physical aging process [I struggle just to take a long walk on the beach with my severely arthritic knee and previously crushed ankle, not to mention a thyroid gland that mysteriously died over a six week time period in '08, hypertension and hypercholesterolemia], or a thousand other personal harvests and to rest in the One who has carefully administrated every detail of it. In the middle of a huge sense of of loss, inescapable grief, or crushing disappointment, it can be very difficult to gaze toward the heavens and say, "You, Lord, are loving, kind and good. You are grand in your wisdom and glorious in your grace. You have authority that cannot be challenged and power beyond my imagination. What comes into my life is there because of your wise counsel and perfect will. So I will rest in your rule. I take refuge in your power. I hide in your wisdom and make your grace my place of retreat." And yet, as hard as this may be to say and even harder to believe, it is this death of our claim on our own lives that can turn our mid-life into a time of gracious reordering of control, which then will in turn deepen our rest, worship and love for God.
In the end, this is a spiritual war. Consider the dissatisfaction, disorientation, discouragement, dread, disappointment, disinterest, distance and distraction that tends to flow from our deep struggle to accept what God has allowed to come into our lives as we reflect in mid-life. There is likely no war more important than this one. God is in charge, and we are not. God is intent on seeing His kingdom advance rather than endorsing ours. The people around us are NOT under our rule, so they will not always do what we wish they would do. We live in a world that does NOT belong to us, with people who belong to Another. In fact, we don't even own our own lives. "You are not your own, you were bought with a price" [1 Corinthians 6:19-20]. Ultimately, it is resting in His rule and committing to His glory that we find the greatest of joys and the highest of personal pleasures. In fact, these are the things we were made for.
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